Sailing along


 

Scene: Hank and Kenny floating along on a river in a boat

 

HANK: Hey, Kenny, the engine’s stopped.

 

KENNY: No it hasn’t. But it doesn’t sound well.

 

HANK: The river looks deep here and too rough to swim to shore

 

KENNY:  This is your fault, Hank.

 

HANK: How do you figure that?

 

KENNY: You’re the one who said we ought to go sailing, that girls loved sailors.

 

HANK: I thought it was a good idea at the time. And you were always going on about your how your grandfather built boats and all

 

KENNY: My grandfather never taught me how to run a boat, only fix them.

 

HANK: So the girls gathered. That’s why they left.

 

KENNY: They left because they didn’t like the idea of getting trapped in a boat with us. I don’t blame them. God knows why I let you talk me into going sailing anyway.

 

HANK:  I didn’t think we should waste the deposit. Did you see the look that dock guy gave us. I thought he would throw us in the river if we asked for the deposit back.

 

KENNY: He thought we were crazy, and frankly, I agree with him.

 

HANK:  Some son of a sailor you are, afraid of a little water.

 

KENNY:  I thought this boating thing would come to me once we got out there.

 

HANK: But it didn’t, did it?

 

KENNY: No. And the river grabbed us the moment we got out here. We’re locked in a groove. And unless we get the engine to work right, we might never get out of it.

 

HANK: So why don’t you let me steer while you check out the engine?

 

KENNY: Okay, but don’t steer us into anything.

 

HANK: What’s to hit out here?

 

KENNY: You forget I’ve seen you drive. If it’s possible to hit something, you will. Just watch out. Meanwhile, I’ll try to remember what my grandfather did to get engines running.

 

HANK:  Hey, Kenny.

 

KENNY (staggering to the back of the boat) What is it?

 

HANK: I think I’m getting sea sick. Can you get sea sick on a river?

 

KENNY: You can get sea sick in a bath tub, and as much as I hate to admit it, I think I’m getting sea sick, too. (staring into the engine) And this engine is a total mystery.

 

HANK: Those fishermen on shore are shouting at us. But I can’t make out what they’re saying.

 

KENNY:  They’re telling us to get a horse.

 

HANK: (Stands up and waves his fist at the fishermen) Fuck you!

 

KENNY:  Stop that. They’re throwing beer bottles and I’m the one that’s getting hit.

 

HANK:  (starts to sing) Turn off you mind, Relax and flow down-stream, And it's not dying…

 

KENNY:  Shut up, Hank. I’m not in the mood for your singing right now.

 

HANK: Sour puss. By the way, where does this river end up?

 

KENNY: The ocean, eventually.

 

HANK: Oh, that’s wonderful

 

KENNY: What’s so wonderful about that?

 

HANK: I always wanted to go to Europe.

 

 




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